Rejection

Dear Larry Keoler,

I am having trouble believing you truly love me. Just the other day I saw you throw a soda can on the ground and you just left it there. Just. Left. It. There. I took it as, "I say I love you but I'm really just using you." As of now, I am going to stop providing you with oxygen.

Sorry but no,
Earth

My Love

Dear Chik-fil-a sandwich,

You are my one true love in this world. Your delicious chicken on the inside, combined with two wonderful pickles and warm buns are to die for. Although you are delicious on your own, eating you with ranch dressing and buffalo sauce makes the occasion twice as great. If it were up to me, I would eat you three meals a day 365 days a year.

I'll be in the water when you get thirsty,
Cody